WehrGoat's Secret Plans for the Conquest of Canada

WehrGoat's Secret Plans for the Conquest of Canada

	Force Dispositions

	The WehrGoats have massed nine divisions for the invasion. All are attached to their 3rd Army of Global Domination. A description for each division is given below. All forces have full supply stores, including ammunition, oil and tin cans.

	5th Infantry Division. Commander: Field General Kornvalk SpittleShot. This division earned fame during the Battle of the Old Barn, when they crushed a rebellious sheep faction before tea time. With a large percentage of veterans, this unit is a good choice for a hard, long foot campaign.

	2nd Armored Division. Commander: Meadow General Hacknis von CobbleWhacker. The 2nd Arm is a fully mechanized force. Their primary fighting vehicle is the Horned-Rambler/Mark II. They are old Rambler American cars with large missile-bearing rods welded to the roof. Each vehicle has enough steel to repel most modern tank shells. Massed in companies of 50 vehicles each, this unit can storm any gas-station from several directions at once, and make it to the counter to purchase lotto tickets before granny engages the attendant in a discussion of her hernia.

	1st Infantry Division. Commander: Field General Norbert Krapnits HelderHard. This division is nicknamed the 'Disposals.' Not only do they have the single best record of any WehrGoat division in terms of kills and victories, they also are well known for eating the clothes off their fallen foes. This unit is steeped in tradition, and some fairly disgusting habits, too.

	2nd Infantry Division. Commander: Backyard General Vackblarg Snortenheim. The 2nd Inf is a young and eager division. It is commanded by the youngest division commander in the WehrGoat army. They do not have many veteran troops, but they are seeking to make a name for themselves--and that name is 'Carnage.' Expect few tricks from this unit. Rather, they will plunge ahead to crush and pillage with the energy of youth and the stupidity of inexperience. Most in the WehrGoat High Command hope that they attack in the right direction.

	1st Armored Division. Commander: Meadow General Ziplish Nadscratcher II. They are stout. They are effective. They are bleedin' outta their gourds. They are the 1st Armored. These troops stop for two things and only two things. Victory and Sandwiches. Mustard and rye at noon; mustard gas and stabbings after noon.

	2nd Shock Division. Commander: Barn General Snarfick von Skiddmarken. They are known as 'The Irritables.' Enough said.

	3rd Infantry Division. Commander: Field General Needlehead Fireass. The 3rd Inf is a fairly standard WehrGoat division. They charge hard and snort loud. The dust flies from under their hooves and their foes flee before their path. They drink gasoline as a beverage and brush their teeth with poodles.

	1st Shock Division. Commander: Meadow General Nostrus Pickernorf. This division is one of the oldest in the WehrGoat army. When the balloon goes up, the 1st Shock storms the lines. Forget the artillery. Nevermind the tanks. They need no machine guns or grenades. They fight with only their horns. With a ram to the ass or a spike to the liver, their foes always fall.

	WehrGoat Expeditionary Brigade. Commander: Backyard General Prudard Gravelpack. While fearless in battle, the WehrGoats are not too fond of the open seas. You have to find a pretty hardcore goat to get one that will ride the waves. The troops of the WehrGoat Expeditionary Brigade are rough, even by WehrGoat standards. Not only are your daughters and living-room furniture not safe, but you had better watch the washing machine and lawn flamingo too. These guys are whacked.