The conquest of Canada will be conducted in two phases. The first phase, described here, involves the pinning and encirclement of the Canadian armed forces. This will serve two purposes. First, it will undermine the enemy defensive actions and fortifications. Second, it will allow time for the celebratory champagne and goats milk to chill.

The WehrGoat forces are split into three bodies. Army GoatGroupe West is responsible for actions West of the Great Lakes. Army GoatGroupe Ost is responsible for actions East of Lake Michigan. The WehrGoat Expeditionary Command is responsible for the amphibious operation in South East Canada.

2nd Armored
Point East and drive forward at maximum speed.  When feet get wet, the division has reached a river.  Dam river with logs and silly putty.  Cross river and resume drive East.

1st Infantry
Cross border with three elements. Element 1 will drive to the Southern edge of Vancouver and deploy into defensive positions. Element 2 and 3 will drive North past Vancouver, then swing West to cover the Northern edge of the city. Element 3 is also responsible for the Eastern flank security. All elements are responsible for taunting the trapped Canucks. Reece platoons should shell forward Canadian forces with Low-Tax consumer goods and American cigarettes. Communication support units will tap long-distance phone lines and call local sports officials and reporters; they will be told that if they do not provide a hockey team within 12 hours, then they will forfeit the Stanley Cup. Additional taunting is at the discretion of local commanders..

2nd Infantry
Cross the border and deploy into defensive positions.  Eat tin, tease dogs and lacquer extremities in preparation for a Phase 2 attack.

1st Armored
Raid a Quickie-Mart.  Load mechanized fighting vehicles with cheese puffs, soda, cigarettes, blow-pops and dirty magazines.  Cross the border and begin long drive to the North-East.  Smoke the cheese puffs, chug the blow-pops, light the dirty magazines, and eat the cigarettes. Don't even ask what to do with the sodas.   Repeat until out of gasoline.  Stop and form hasty defensive positions.  Wait for resupply and for the slurpee machine to thaw.  Bypass all Canadian defensive positions;  slow down only long enough to moon them.

3rd Infantry
Drive a wedge between Toronto and Ottawa.  Wait for both cities to run out of beer (about 3 hours).  Set a single bottle of beer half-way between them.  Pull back and watch the hordes rush out of the cities towards the bottle and clash.  Wait until the sole survivor opens the beer bottle and then shoot him/her.  Toronto and Ottawa will then stand defenseless.

1st Shock
Crush border defenses and isolate Ottawa from the North.  Dispatch 3rd Regiment to press North towards Quebec.  Tap enemy communications and order thousands of pizzas--give addresses as 'That Damned French Guy in Quebec" and "1 Frog Boulevard."  Allow irate pizza-boys to soften enemy positions while seeking payment for rapidly chilling pizzas.